Trust is good. Control is better.

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.

Frank Crane


... until we develop even better ones ...

Trust is the belief that you will get a certain outcome.

Control is the ability to arrange your circumstances to get the outcome you wish.  (courtesy of Paul Linden)

Key takeaways: 

  • What are you doing in your body when you trust? What is your felt sense of mistrust?
  • Use your body to detect and measure what specifically you trust or mistrust. Your body sensations can be an indicator of where you might need more time, information, or skills.
  • Trust is complex. Most people are trustworthy in at least some ways. Explore whether a more differentiated view is helpful for your relationship.
  • Be aware of the relevant data, make a conscious assessment of the potential risk or danger, and decide what to do about it. Use Centering to allow for more curiosity and creative ideas.
  • Learn the skills you need to implement your choices, and practice so you can do what you need when you need it to keep yourself safe.

Awareness allows you to make more informed and therefor better choices about what to do to get an outcome you want or to avoid an outcome you don’t want.  Practiced skills allow you to implement your choices and have more control over an outcome.

Trust encompasses many different elements (see the downloadable diagram below) and is influenced by awareness, assessment of and tolerance for risk under the circumstances, and practiced skills.  Note:  Skills may compensate for some lack of data and may increase your risk tolerance; however, please do not rely on your skills as a substitute for awareness and conscious choice.