Disagreement is inevitable.
Conflict is optional.
Do you sometimes avoid challenging conversations to keep the peace?
And when you do have a tough talk, it doesn’t go as well as you’d like?
You are not alone. This is what happens for many people:
- When it matters most, you freeze and you forget what you wanted to say.
- In the heat of the moment, you get frustrated and say something you regret.
- You are shaking, your stomach is in knots, there is pressure in your chest, or you have a lump in your throat.
- The situation is on continuous replay in your head.
- You are on edge all day, and the tension keeps you up at night.
Why is that?
Many people believe that challenging conversations don't go well for them because they’re too sensitive and not confident enough; or they have a short fuse and are too passionate; or they need better communication skills. There may be some truth to some of that ... but, as a mediator, I have watched even the most assertive and calm negotiation professionals struggle when things get tense.
In my experience, the real culprit is not some individual “shortcoming”, but these obvious yet often discounted facts:
- Conflict – even the mere anticipation of conflict – is really stressful.
- Under stress, we automatically become less smart, less kind, and less creative.
Our mind-body system registers potential conflict as a threat, and it defends against that threat by triggering the fight-flight-freeze response: Blood is rerouted from the higher-level thinking parts of our brain to the arms and legs, so we can fight, run away, or play dead to stay safe.
This was very useful in the early stages of our evolution as a species when we were dealing with saber-toothed tigers, and it still works to our advantage when we’re physically attacked.
But, strong arms, fast legs, and being invisible are generally not our key assets in a challenging conversation. Much more important are qualities such as empathy, and the ability to think rationally and problem-solve, all of which tend to disappear when we are stressed.
Fortunately, we are not helpless victims of our wiring as human beings.
Embodied Conflict Coaching will teach you to
manage your stress response before and during conflict,
so you can say what you have to say
with kindness and confidence.
A simple posture adjustment, personalized based on how you operate under pressure, can revolutionize how you step up to challenging conversations and how well they go.
And once you can keep your stress level in check, it becomes much easier to work on other things such as people-pleasing, losing your cool, or communication skills.
I am here to help you with all of that.
The good news for you? You can fundamentally change how you communicate and respond in scary situations,
- without years of training,
- without beating up on yourself or on other people, and
- without forcing yourself to do things that compromise your values or don't work for your personality.
I will teach you to
- stand up for yourself in a way that feels good to you,
- employ techniques that are simple, easy to remember, and effective, and
- replace fear, frustration, and resentment with confidence, hope, and freedom.
Embodied Conflict Coaching
will make your challenging conversations much easier
and will transform your relationships.
If you are curious, let's have a complimentary 20-minute conversation. Simply click the button below and pick a convenient time. I look forward to speaking with you.